he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think people are normalizing furries
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
