How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
