i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
