I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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