addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
