Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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