you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
