I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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