What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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