The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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