I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
