They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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