Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
