i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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