Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
