She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm at about main and main street
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
