Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize