her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
