I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
