Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
