hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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