A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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