i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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