I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
