that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
