I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
