Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
