We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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