I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
