thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
