you would pick up someone in the library
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
