In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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