none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
