Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
