i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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