On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
