Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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