Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
