There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
