I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
