I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
