are you still at the devil's house?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize