You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
