she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize