hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
