you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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