dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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