Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
