I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
