Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
