Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's Friday. Sex?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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