Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
