She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
