I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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