whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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