i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
