Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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