we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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