I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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