dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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