He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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