Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
