Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
