It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
