oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
