i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize