I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
