I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
