Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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