last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
