I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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