I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
