wakey wakey hands off snakey
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
