Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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