she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
