Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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