Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
