Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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