Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize