You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
