found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize