I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
