once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
