Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
