that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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