JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize