Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
