I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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