Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
