dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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