It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
