I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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