So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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