I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
