I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
