i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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