i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
