did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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