butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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