sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
