We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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