Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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