my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
