is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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