he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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