Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize