think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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